Sharing ‘My Triumph Over Betrayal,’ Young & Restless’ Courtney Hope Courageously Drops Her Guard to Reveal ‘the Biggest Heartbreak’ and More
The Young and the Restless’ Courtney Hope is riding high, what with her starring — and now Emmy-winning — role of Sally Spectra. But it hasn’t always been backslaps and standing ovations for the actress, who took to Instagram in late June to open her heart and address a subject that she hadn’t intended to — not until she realized the value that her candor might have to others. “If you told me my life would look like this five, 10, 20 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you,” she began, “but man, I wouldn’t change a thing.
“I was never going to say anything about the low moments of the last half decade of my life, mostly because I was just trying to keep my head above water and sometimes didn’t even know which way was up,” she went on. “But I’ve painfully seen many people have similar experiences: friends, friends of friends, and in the world at large — a gut-wrenching and shocking amount, quite frankly — so I decided to share a bit of what I’ve learned through my triumph over betrayal and deep heartache… in hopes that maybe my healing can comfort someone else along their journey.”
Before diving into Hope’s story, we should mention exactly what she does. “It’s easy to want to hide and keep private about the less glamorous and out-of-body moments,” she said, “but I have come to realize these experiences are many of the grains of sand that make up the beach in the masterful paradise that is my life. I thank God for where I am today and those before me whose stories have guided my healing and hope.”
You can read Hope’s message (almost) in full below: “For anyone who has been through betrayal, abandonment, deep heartbreak, abuse and/or manipulation: Know it may break you, it will change you, but it doesn’t have to stain your future. Sure… the lens you see life and love through shifts, but in time, a stronger you will emerge if you can recognize a wiser you is being born.
“I think the biggest heartbreak was how much my view of myself broke, my confidence shattered into a million pieces, whatever innocence I had left completely vanished. I didn’t trust myself, my instincts, my judgment, my voice, my visions, my dreams, and it led me into heavy situations I never expected to find myself in. I tolerated things I never saw myself allowing. The once-loving voice in my head now spoke to me with vitriol, judgment and fear.
“A darkness kept knocking at my door trying to swallow me whole, along with any light I had left. I’ll admit, many times it felt like it was winning. I gaslit myself into narratives where I believed I deserved and even caused the mind games and heartbreak I found myself tangled in. I found some people even reveled in my brokenness because it made them feel elevated.
“It was a lonely place, because I felt I had to put on a smile and keep pushing through life, work and adulthood, but inside, I was an ever-changing wave of gutted, lost, cynical, angry, meek, envious, self-conscious, empty, anxious, numb and confused. Even moments of laughter and joy eventually sank into the pit of my stomach. It seemed I couldn’t escape the memories and questions that constantly resurfaced.
“Once I realized that sometimes we’re just casualties in the tornado of a broken person’s wake and that their demons eroding away at the core of who I was was a death sentence if I allowed it to be, I began to find the rungs of the ladder that begged me to slowly climb up out of the pit of despair.
“At first, I kept trying to get the old me back, but the hard truth was, she was gone. She didn’t exist anymore, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that blatant fact now. I finally realized searching for her was keeping me weighted down because I was never supposed to find her — this was about me becoming someone new.
“This was the gift I now see I was granted. I could assess and take action where I needed to be different to call in something more aligned with what the divine had to offer. The woman I am today is stronger, softer and calmer than ever before. She’s learning to trust God and herself above all else. She has all of my respect because she’s slayed the dragons who wanted nothing more than to watch her burn.
“To anyone who has been blindsided, manipulated, abused, abandoned, heartbroken or betrayed: Remember your heart may break, but only you get to decide if it grows cold. Someone can steal your shine, but only you can decide if they steal your soul. Someone may shatter your voice, but only you decide if they steal your breath. Someone can steal your strength, but only you decide if they steal your integrity. Someone may steal your power, but only you decide if they steal your purpose…
“One breath, one step, one day at a time. That’s all you need to focus on. You’ve got this. You will be able to look yourself in the mirror and not only recognize yourself but love the person who is staring back at you again… maybe even, for some, for the first time. Keep your eyes to the sky. There is beauty in the breakdown.”
In closing, Hope explained how connecting with others who have had similar experiences has given her “peace and hope.” Seeing others who are just at the start of this journey, “I want nothing more than to hug them and let them know they’re not alone… Just because the past is dark doesn’t mean the future can’t be bright.”
